My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
