atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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