kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
