Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
