oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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