Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's always time for handjobs
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
