Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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