I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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