Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
