smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
