I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
