ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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