If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
