capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
