I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Success! We fucked roommates!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize