remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
