Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
