i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
as a side note pls kill me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
