i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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