i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
