Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
