I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
