i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
