Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
