What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
