Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I will pee on everything he values.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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