Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
