on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
