I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
