No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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