like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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