felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pants are for mortals
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
