so let's talk penis.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
