I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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