My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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