five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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