so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize