I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
