his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
