there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
