i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
