thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
