I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
