"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
