So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
