That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
