also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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