problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
