Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
