bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
