my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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