I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
