I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
