i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
