I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Boobs are out for the taking
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
