I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
