She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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