My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
