You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize