Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
