I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
