Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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