it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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