i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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