I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
