i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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