I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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