i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
