WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
