Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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